Friday, December 8, 2017

Santa Surprise


When the preschool Elf on the Shelf says a special guest is coming to town, you'd better watch out.

And probably skip the crying and pouting, just to be on the safe side.

Nora politely denied a chance to see Mall Santa this year. Even though she wants to tell him about her wish list and her reduction in sibling brawls, she'd rather not engage in such a public display of Christmas joy. That's why I was nervous when I heard the Big Guy himself was coming to Nora's school. Her teacher asked us to keep it a secret, so I did. Barely.

I dropped her off and, as most moms would, stalked Facebook for any sign of holiday merriment. When I was tagged in a photo and clicked to see the faces above, my heart soared! I counted the minutes to when I could hear Nora's side of the story {and crossed my fingers she’d remember what she told him}. She was super eager to tell me everything that happened, so I thought I'd share. Obviously, I was not there to prove this did or did not happen. So do with the following information what you will:

  • Twinkle Toes, Elf on the Shelf in residence, was holding a letter when the kids arrived Thursday morning.

  • Twinkle Toes is also getting ready to head back to the North Pole with his report. Nora thinks she's good to go, but she's worried about a few of her classmates.

  • Nora told me the daycare's name was on the front of his envelope, so they knew it was official.

  • In the letter, the elf said a surprise visitor was stopping by to see them. It was at this point that they all screamed "SANTA!" {"I know him!"}

  • He did not have reindeer, he had a white car. Driven by elves, apparently.

  • "Ho Ho Ho" was not how he greeted them, so he may have been a phony. His beard was fluffy, though, so he could have been the real deal.

  • Nora told him she wanted a big, pink Hatchimal and a new bike. Both of these requests were news to me.

  • The girl who went before her also wanted a big, pink Hatchimal, so he said he'll make two at the same time.

  • No one but the baby cried on his lap, which is a huge deal in a class of three- and four-year-olds.

  • He had a stocking full of candy canes and gave her one. Nora said she hopes he empties it quickly so he can fill it up with presents for himself.

  • He was very sweet and cute and gave Nora a big hug. And he was strong enough to pick her up by himself.

  • She already has plans to set up special ops to see him on Christmas.. just to make sure this guy was legit.


Were your kids willing to sit with Santa Claus this year?
And do you know where to find a Hatchimal other than the triple-priced listings on Amazon? {asking for a friend}
Happy Friday, y'all!

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Tales from Timehop


Every morning my phone whisks me through space and time, drumming up memories I cherish {and others that elicit eye rolls}.

The Timehop app shows me two things: 1) my kids are growing fast and 2) I'm ancient by social media standards. I'll see a post from an entire decade ago of a friend chatting me up on my Facebook wall. This is likely a foreign concept to most these days. I'll see photos of myself that remind me how old I am and how far I've come. Just last week I saw a status along the lines of: "Does anybody else have a Twitter yet??" I was too cool. In reading through my past online habits, one thing sticks out: vague posting.

Forgive me, y'all. I didn't really know how to act on social media, as it had literally just been invented. However, one secretive post I made 11 years ago recently caught my eye and jogged my memory.


Anytime someone is "VERY happy" but they don't share why, my first thought is pregnancy. It has to be pregnancy or an engagement or some other milestone that has them on a detail-less Cloud Nine. Walk with me through time, won't you? Because that one sentence brought me back:



Jonathan and I had been married a solid five months when we decided we could be parents. We were of legal drinking age and we knew the physical mechanics, so what more did we need? I bought a how-to manual {seriously} and we jumped in. While that part was easy, I wasn't ready for the scene that quickly followed.

Starting on this journey created some of the longest days of my life. I had to wait two weeks before I could know if anything happened. Ludicrous. I remember asking my husband to buy a pregnancy test, then carefully reading the instructions because "pee on it" couldn't have been all there was to it. Spoiler Alert: It was.

At this point we lived in a cozy rental outside of Conway. It was nestled against the pines and had a white picket fence that made it easy for us newlyweds to play house. I stood in our small bathroom and waited. The wallpaper was a stark contrast of black and white stripes, and I counted them as the fancy digital test patiently blinked.

Then the room started to spin.

The black lines and white lines engaged in an awkward dance as they bent and swirled around me. The room was tilting, but my feet were glued to the floor. My cheeks began to overheat and my stomach dropped. The word pregnant stared at me. The word seemed to appear so casually, as if it didn't comprehend how its readout just changed my life. I sat down to focus, but my thoughts ran wild.

Can we afford it? Is it going to hurt? What will the nursery look like? Is it a boy or a girl? Am I allowed to be someone's mom? Do I need to go to the doctor right now? What's going to happen to my body? How can I be responsible for another human being? How can I grow a human being inside of me? Why does it feel so different now that it's real?

Even though I prayed for this to happen, I was grossly unprepared. I know some women have elaborate plans of revealing this news to their husbands, but I hadn't gotten there yet. The words spilled out with hot tears and together we sank onto the floor in bliss. I had no idea what I was doing, but he was going to do it with me.

I had never been more in love with him, and I had never felt such a strong connection to someone I didn't know.

And apparently my next move was to post on Facebook?

Seeing what I had for lunch in 2012 or that I was "bored at work" in 2009 makes me cringe, but I love that the highlights of my life, no matter how vague, are recorded.

Y'all already know the rest of the story. Nathan was born the following July to two clueless parents who have been navigating parenthood ever since. Add three more positive tests, one miscarriage, two births, and a million lessons and I still feel just as clueless. While I now know the answers to some of the questions that flooded my brain in the bathroom that morning, they've been replaced with more.

Still, Jonathan and I are in this together. And we can do anything.

So tell me, do you remember? Can you picture the scene from when you found out you were someone's parent?
Does Timehop remind you of your annoying Facebook nuances?
Let me know in the comments and have a great Thursday!

Friday, December 1, 2017

Dear December


Maybe it's just me and my anxiety, but the homestretch of anything is a bit intimidating.

Did I do everything I was supposed to do? Did I grow enough? Change enough? Learn enough? Did I leave a big enough mark to let it lie and move forward? Basically, is this project ready to turn in?

This year is just a handful of weeks from being due to the teacher and at this point {as always} I'm wondering what happened to the rest of it. While it's not over yet, I already find myself going back to check my work. Although the shocking realization of unpreparedness is part of all my Decembers, I am glad the year ends with such hope. Advent is a beautiful time {you know, after the Christmas decorating's done} and I love that we spend time remembering we're waiting for more than a simple calendar flip. It's a huge reminder/reality check for my stress levels.

While today is the beginning of the end, I'd rather not fret over making most of what's left. So I shall turn this post into a wish list. 'Tis the season, after all. Following are a few things I have written to the month of December to help make this a both holly and jolly season:


Dear December,

I wish you would bring snow! But, you know, just enough to where it looks pretty for exactly one day and then melts completely the next. Thanks in advance.

I wish the magic you put into my children's eyes could never fade. Interest in Santa and Rudolph and maybe even Buddy will wane over time, but I pray the magic stays.

I wish for the ability to help my kids realize where that magic comes from. This holiday season is not just one of merriment, but one of patience. Help us prepare as we wait for the greatest gift of all.

I wish for a little extra time, December. It's a jam-packed month, but I'd like to spend some of those frosty nights in the hot tub with my love.

I wish for long quiet mornings lit by the Christmas tree and warmed by a coffee cup.

I wish for willpower when it comes to all those holiday Ghiradelli squares. You know the ones.

I wish to actually, truly surprise my husband with a birthday gift this year. Or at least spend some QT with him if I can't keep a secret.

I wish to not be home when the UPS man comes to my house every single day this month. Amazon Prime, you and your free shipping are killing the game.

I wish to sleep until at least 6:00 on December 25. Can we this year, kids? Please?

I wish to soak in every last drop of the holidays this year. Time is doing nothing but moving and it's taking my babies with it. I want to live through their joy and hold on to the magic.


What are you wishing for this December?
Have a wonderful weekend, y'all.

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Seriously!? Seriously.

{Optional Title: that one emoji with the line eyes and line mouth.}

My weekend started in the back of a law enforcement vehicle in Middle of Nowhere, Oklahoma.

You know if that is how today's story begins, you'd better buckle up. It's the law, after all.

Allow me to step back in time to paint the whole picture of our weekend debacle. Jonathan and I do whatever it takes to make room for breaks in the monotony and our parental pseudonyms. That's why we circled the weekend after Thanksgiving to spend some time in a luxurious cabin in eastern Oklahoma. It's just two hours from home, but completely hidden. The rental we chose this time was high-class, with a hot tub on the river, a state-of-the-art kitchen, and gorgeous decor that I pray magically transports to my living room.

Excitement brimmed as we made tracks west. Relaxation was so close we could taste it, but there was one more stop we needed to make. Our corner of the state does not believe in selling a fine wine to take on vacation, so we took the long way 'round to grab a couple of bottles. We made our purchase in Broken Bow and pressed forward. Shortly after that we arrived in an area of pure darkness between two towns I'd never heard of, and there was a situation.

It sounded like something exploded outside of the truck. But it also sounded like something exploded inside of the truck.

BOTH OF THESE THINGS WERE ACCURATE.

After realizing we were both intact, I quietly asked my husband what happened. A deer. A deer ran into us in the middle of nowhere. This was a much different scenario when that one deer ran me over in front of my house. Yes, friends, a buck took himself horns first into my husband's truck door as we were going 65 toward a dream weekend. It was my first experience with air bags. It turns out they produce a cloud that makes you think something's on fire. Neat.

When trying to locate help, we learned the counties in Oklahoma are enormous and the solo trooper was 60 miles away. Since we didn't need an ambulance, we simply waited for a wrecker. We weren't standing roadside looking dumbfounded too long before a game warden pulled up to check on us. Not only did he stay until the wrecker arrived, he offered a ride back into Broken Bow, where my parents came to pick us up. Hence the ride I alluded to at the beginning. I wasn't arrested, but I sure was seated beside a collection of seized materials.

Defeated and deflated, we were back home at 10:30, a smooth six hours after we left. It took all of sixty seconds for us to rally. We paid for this weekend. We deserved this weekend. We needed this weekend. We loaded up in our one vehicle that was not in a wrecker yard in Oklahoma, and pointed it back toward the state line. I'll be honest here, I'm not sure I blinked on that drive. I was on official high alert.

Nothing was going to stop us, and nothing did! We arrived after midnight and spent the next two days in total relaxation. Jonathan cooked gourmet meals, we talked for hours, we got our money's worth of the riverside hot tub, and we simply enjoyed each other. I promise you it was worth the trouble.

Sunday afternoon I was sad to close the door on luxury as we carried our bags down the front steps. We reloaded for the last time and climbed into our one working vehicle... and nothing happened when the key turned. Not a sputter, not a rumble, not even an old college try.

My battery was dead. Seriously.

We called the rental office, which was closed, and the call forwarded to the owner. Thankfully he had friends who lived close and they came and jumped it. We bought a new battery on the way home and arrived safe and sound. /End Story

The reason I've spun this tale of weekend woes is two-fold: you may be bored this morning and needed a little something to hold your attention, and there are approximately four lessons to be learned.

1) Thank God for the kindness of strangers.
2) Air bags smell weird.
3) Oklahoma deer are just as stupid as Arkansas deer.
4) I will make it through anything to relax.

Despite my moaning and groaning in this series of unfortunate events, I spent many post-wreck moments counting my blessings that we were safe, unharmed, and still able to get away. However, I once again hope your weekend was a little less eventful than ours.

Happy Tuesday, y'all!

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Day of Thanks


It's a great day to be grateful, isn't it?

While thankfulness shouldn't be reserved for just one in 365, today is the official holiday of turkey and thanks. Dressing and blessings. Eating and warm greetings. Gratitude and platitudes. {Okay, I'll stop.} Today families across the country are joining together to celebrate Thanksgiving in their own ways. And no matter whether you're gathering around the table at grandma's or at Cracker Barrel, this day is earmarked for appreciating the togetherness.

We have big plans today and it's almost time to get to it, but first I'd like to focus on our reasons for the season. I am thankful that I get to spend my holiday with a table full of some of my favorite relatives, and I'm also thankful that you're taking the time today to read my words. I don't say it enough, so thank you for thinking I am interesting enough to hold your attention. Holiday high-fives all around.

Now, you and I both know it wouldn't be a proper Bauer Family Thanksgiving post if I didn't share a little Q&A session, along with more of this year's family photos from Bright Images. Following are directly quoted answers to the timely question: "What are you thankful for?



Jonathan
Age: 34
Thankful For: "I am thankful for a love that’s never ceasing. I am thankful for a slightly slower life this year that let me soak up a little more time with my family. I am thankful for friends to bow my head with in the morning darkness, thanking God for His grace in our lives."




Jessica
Age: 33
Thankful For: "This year I am thankful for relationships. I am thankful to have beautiful relationships when it comes to my faith, both with God and with the people and places that deepen that connection. I am thankful to have an ever-changing relationship with my children. As they grow in what they need from me, they allow me room to do the same. Lastly I am thankful for the most important bond I have, with Jonathan. He gives me strength, courage, confidence, and purpose. And I sure do love him."





Nathan
Age: 10
Thankful For: "I am thankful for God and family because they help me get through life. I am also thankful for my iPod touch because I get to play games on it and talk to my friends. I am mainly thankful for Owen, though, because he's my only brother so he likes boy stuff and he's the one who likes to play with me the most."






Owen
Age: 6
Thankful For: "I’m thankful for God because He made us. I am thankful for Louis because he attacks bad bugs like mosquitoes and he eats mice and likes to play on the trampoline. And he purrs when I pet him. And I’m thankful for life because nature is beautiful and my life is fun."




Nora
Age: 4
Thankful For: "I'm thank you for God because I love Him because I love His heart. I’m thank you for {points to Owen} and {points to me} because y’all are so cute! I'm thank you for Daddy and Nathan because Dad calls me Fluffy and Nathan jumps on the trampoline with me. And I like the Christmas tree because it’s almost Christmas."




Check out last year's answers here,
the post from 2015 here,
the post from 2014 here,
the post from 2013 here,
the post from 2012 here,
and the post from 2011 here.


Enjoy your holiday, friends. Notice the faces around your table and count your blessings.
Happy Thanksgiving, from my family to yours!

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Early Birds


Today I'm going to give a crash course in the apologetics of premature Christmas decorating.

After all, the Early Bird puts up the tree, right? Since Halloween wrapped and many went straight for the red and green, I have read some strong Facebook opinions. There are those who decked the halls on November 1, not thinking twice about what other people thought. Good on you, Christmas lovers. I've also seen many striving to maintain the sanctity of Thanksgiving. Stockings and garlands are for the day after the bird, and not a minute sooner. I can see this point, too.

I am typically a Grinch when it comes to most things, but last year I joined the early bandwagon. If you happen to stop by and peek in our windows, you'll see I'm still on it. The bunch spent Monday afternoon decking the halls and jamming to Christmas pop from the '80s, '90s, and today. Does that make you angry?

This jumping of the gun does not involve the reasons many are shouting from social media rooftops, however. I didn't decorate because I am on the same holly-jolly level as Buddy the Elf. That could not be further from the truth {ask Jonathan}. Therefore, in the effort of both explanation and perpetuating arguments, I am listing ten reasons it was wise for me to break out the Christmas lights before Thanksgiving.

Let the debate begin.
  1. Decorating for Christmas is an awful, cluttered, glittery, and chaotic event. Future Jessica is always thankful when Past Jessica takes care of business.

  2. Coming home from a Thanksgiving feast and seeing the new holiday ready to roll is a gift in itself.

  3. We do not have a ton of Christmas decor because my brain won't allow it, but it still packs many more items into my small house. Early decorating allows my OCD extra time to adjust.

  4. The closer it gets to December 25, the less I want to do it.

  5. I don't have babies anymore. No one is going to dangle from a tree nor rearrange the ornaments in a way that makes my eye twitch.

  6. The earlier Christmas cheer arrives, the more likely I am to make a list and check it twice. This is going to be the year I don't scramble last minute! Just, you know, putting it out there...

  7. There's something cozy about a living room lit by Christmas glow and knowing I can keep it for an entire month.

  8. It takes a solid week or so to vacuum and sweep the microscopic pieces of dropped ornaments.

  9. Having it up early gives us more time to look at the ornaments and remember the memories that go with them. Even the one from 2008 that Nathan hung on the tree and recalled a time he called "the good ol' days." {I was thinking that when I grabbed 2006's Our First Christmas ornament, but don't tell him that.}

  10. My kids love it. And they have much more of a propensity toward candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.

Also, as hardcore as I am in the belief that Epiphany is on January 6, our tree will be boxed on Boxing Day. {Hey, maybe the British have this figured out...} January starts a clean slate for me, and that is as figurative as it is literal. I shall celebrate those twelve days religiously, but not decoratively. For the record, I understand there are plenty of reasons to wait to decorate until after Thanksgiving. If I hosted the November feast at my house it would render the above points moot. But this year I am not, and you better believe that Christmas tree is already center stage.

Now, what about you?? Have I greatly offended you with this post, or are you reading it with your feet propped up on the couch, basking in the glow of Christmas? Be sure to claim your side in the comments and have a lovely Wednesday!

Monday, November 20, 2017

Dreaming of Leftovers


It's the Monday before Thanksgiving, and folks from sea to shining sea have one thing on the brain.

FOOD. IT'S FOOD.

While obviously the actual thanks will be involved in our holiday {that post is coming soon}, today my thoughts surround an over-sized bird in a vat of oil. Is that so wrong?

Homes across the country are currently buzzing with warmth and family and tradition. Heavenly scents already permeate the air as well-rehearsed chefs have thawed the turkey and begun chopping nuts for pies and veggies for dressing. Grocery stores are packed with full carts, and the annual sale of can-shaped cranberry sauce has taken off. While I'm not the best cook, I'm a really good eater. As my taste buds tingle today, I am sharing the foods for which I am most ready:

My palate is not of the casserole-enjoying variety, which knocks off many Thanksgiving staples, but there is one that has my heart. The reasons being: A) I love green beans. B) I love crunchy onions. C) I love cheese. You put all these things in a dish with various creamy soups and the addition of mushrooms in a recipe I'm pretty sure Jonathan stole from the Pioneer Woman, and I'm going back for thirds. And also reheating days later.

When brainstorming desserts for a Thanksgiving feast, most people are thinking pumpkin or apple, right? Not me. My brain goes straight to Karo. Go big or go home. I know I've mentioned the holiday delicacy known in my family as haystacks, but it's worth another name drop. These tasty morsels rank up there with the headlining bird. It's just corn flakes and peanut butter and everyone's favorite corn syrup. My mom has been making these since I was little and each bite transports me to that cozy place of bulky sweaters, roaring fires, and absolute comfort. You know the one.

Last but certainly at the top of my list is the turkey. I don't know if having this gigantic bird on the table more than once or twice a year would lessen the excitement level, but mine is through the roof. Years ago Alton Brown taught my husband to safely fry a turkey and we haven't looked back. The delicious brown sugar brine and cooking method combine for a juicy main course. My mom cooks a second bird in a more traditional style in the oven and both get equal billing on my plate. I can already taste the tryptophan...

Honorable Mentions: All forms of bread, whole black olives, strips of extra pie crust sprinkled with cinnamon, homemade mashed potatoes, and many generous pours of wine.

Now that we're prepared to salivate through this three-day countdown, let's get to the real reason I wrote this post. I really want to know which dishes rank for y'all. When reading the foods I'm most ready to put in my mouth, what imagery and flavors popped into your head?

Please share in the comments the Thanksgiving dishes going on your plate this year, and maybe we'll add to the menu.... as long as it's still in stock at Walmart!

Happy Monday, friends.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Louis J. Bauer


A few days ago Jonathan mentioned picking up the monthly dose of flea medication for our cat.

Which is odd in itself, but then I asked what name it would be under. I let a small grin slip when I joked that he was listed under Louis Bauer. My husband deadpanned, "Of course! That's his name, isn't it?" Well, I suppose it is. {Also, ten points if you guess his middle name.}

I first mentioned this cat when he was just a feral kitty who moved in while we were in Florida this summer. We thought he was cute and tiny and fluffy, so we bought him food and let him stay. Eventually we took him to the vet, learned our feminine assumptions were off, and the rest is history. What we didn't know, however, is how quickly we'd fall in love with him. Don't tell the chickens, but I think Louis is our favorite pet.

I am no longer exaggerating when I say Owen Bauer and Louis Bauer are BEST. FRIENDS. Before school, they snag a few minutes to jump in the leaves before separating for the day. When we get home, Owen rushes through his homework {evidenced by his frequent "Be neater!" instructions...} to check on Lou. Through the kitchen window I see the pair lying on the trampoline, pondering life and enjoying each other's company. Louis is never more than a step behind Owen, so we don't worry about this one straying far from home.

One of Owen's favorite car-line games is guessing what his cat does all day. Often we'll pull into the driveway and he'll be lounging on the slowly moving porch swing. Louis knows how to live. At night he'll sleep as close to the door as possible {or the hot tub if it's chilly out}, and when he hears the morning hubbub, the scratching and meowing begins. Owen is super good about feeding Louis, but don't be late with the grub.

My husband, who is indeed allergic to cats, loves this guy so much he told me Louis is coming inside for the coldest winter nights. With regular vacuuming, of course. I'd never have guessed we would have a couch cat, but here we are.

I grew up in a house that always had cats, but the rest of my family lacks experience in the field. It's been fun to see my kids form a relationship with a pet that does more than squawk and lay eggs. You know I appreciate a pet that gives free food, but the snuggle quota is a little higher with Lou.

This, my friends, has been an entire blog post dedicated to our cat. A cat that started as a random wild animal that wouldn't leave and has become an actual member of our family. You can check his vet records for proof.

Have a happy Wednesday, y'all. Then pet a cat and make it even better!