Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Toddler Technology

So I already gave you my every-so-often Wordless Wednesday photo of my boys and their ice cream sandwiches; however, during our daily afternoon outside time, I caught a few photos I just couldn't help but share. So color me a bad parent for letting him do it in the first place, but Nathan is *obsessed* with our iPhones! (Three guesses as to what he's doing in that swing.) He knows all the games Jonathan and I have, specifically the ones downloaded just for him. And he is actually really good at them! On mine there is a "letter game" as he calls it, that quizzes him on shapes, numbers, letters, and colors, and the kid aces it every time - even things like crescent and hexagon! So I figure if he's learning new things, it can't be hurting him too much... let's just hope there's not a cell phone on his third birthday wish list. :)

Also, this is a completely off-theme photo, but I caught it as Nathan was hanging on the swing set stating, "When I get big like Riley, I am going to flip and spin and hang on this thing... Am I big like Riley yet?" Cutest thing you ever saw, right?

Happy Wednesday, everybody!

My Boys :)

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Artist at Work

So lately we have been trying our best to implement a "wind-down time" before bed, where we can only stick to quiet toys and chocolate milk to prepare for what Nathan very well knows lies ahead - night night time. :) Monday night he decided he would do a little art work before bed, sprawled across the kitchen floor (where most artists do their best work). He looked so cute, I just had to snap a photo or two. Also please note the Elmo undies! We are making progress in that area, but I would not dare jinx it by calling it a success just yet. He's practically trained at home, but he went through all five pairs of "extra" undies I sent to preschool yesterday. :) So we'll give it a status of "in the works." Happy Tuesday.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Just one more slide, OK?

Spring finally made it to southwest Arkansas! Despite the occasional chilly day, there has been abundant sunshine and plenty of room to run and play, especially at the park! These pictures were actually taken several weeks ago, but I never had the chance to post them with all that was going on. However, it's still a pretty good representation of what we've been doing lately. These were taken at the park in Hope, where Nathan has been hanging out with Nana and I for the past few days. He loves it so much that it probably looks like I'm stealing him when I have to drag him away kicking and screaming. :) He doesn't quite understand what "one more slide" means, especially now that he has become a professional at doing it "all by myself!" It has been a while since I've given you some cute Nathan pictures, so here they are in full force. Enjoy!

As for me, I'm feeling much better this past week, both physically and emotionally. Thanks for all your kind words about my previous post, it definitely made me feel better to get it all out. I had blood drawn Tuesday and I'll have to continue that for a few weeks, but other than that I'm almost back to normal. :) Right now I'm actually waiting on Jonathan to get home so we can drop Nathan off in Hope and hit the road for Dallas to have a weekend of fun with Abby and Tim! And I will be sure to remember my camera this time. :) I hope your weekend will be just as wonderful!

EDIT: I actually did forget my camera. (Can you imagine?) However, we had an amazing trip with great friends and we cannot wait to meet that sweet baby Eva this June!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

My Grief

I have been sitting here for hours trying to write this. About two weeks ago, I felt that our baby's life wasn't going to be as full as I wanted it to be and a week after getting that feeling, a miscarriage was diagnosed. Now, another week later, I'm trying to put into words what I've been going through and what I have learned from this pain.

Without getting into the gruesome details, after three consecutive ultrasounds showing only an empty sac, our doctor gave us the bad news. He said the baby had probably only made it to about week 4 or 5. After several failed attempts with medicine to induce my body to miscarry, I was scheduled for a surgical procedure to take care of it. Then, the night before the surgery, my body decided it was time and the process occurred naturally.

Now that you know what happened, I want to answer what you're probably wondering - how I'm feeling about it all. Sure this is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. A tiny life Jonathan and I created and wanted so badly was taken away before it was given a chance. I'll never know who my second child was or what he would have done if granted the gift of a longer life. With that being said, I do not blame myself. I do not blame my body. I do not blame my child. As hard as it is to accept, I know this was meant to happen. Knowing that does not take any pain away from me or make this loss easier to accept, but I am at peace with it. I can feel the love from this child washing over me constantly and that makes me proud. As much as I would have loved to meet this baby, he's where he belongs, and as I said, I am at peace with that.

That being said, Jonathan and I are ready to start trying to create a third life when it's time. This is not to replace the child we lost, but to conceive another, one who will hopefully be given a better chance at a successful, happy life. Nathan deserves a brother or sister and Jonathan and I deserve a baby we can hold in our arms. That in no way means we will ever forget this little life that graced us for such a short period of time. Instead, this experience has actually taught me a very important lesson about life - it is so precious. I am now even more grateful for my sweet Nathan and all the other children in my life (especially a sweet little girl who will greet the world this summer). I realize now how rare and beautiful it is to give birth to a healthy, happy child, and I thank God even more that we were able to do that. Hug your babies and appreciate the opportunity you were able to give them. Hopefully before too much longer, my family will be able to know this feeling once again.

Anyway, I am sorry this post probably took up the entire blog (and without the use of adorable Nathan pictures), but these words needed to be said. No, I may not be willing to say all of these words to your face, but maybe you needed to hear them and I definitely needed to write them. I also want to say never before have I felt such prayers, support, and love from family and friends. I feel so lifted up by not only my tiny angel in heaven, but by all of you. I thank you for that. I may not have returned all of your phone calls and emails, but know you made an impact on me. And that I am okay, both physically and emotionally. I love you all. Thank you.