Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The Rainbow Connection

someday we'll find it... the lovers, the dreamers, and me

Before the excitement of Owen's birth last Thursday, I was attempting to write a post marking the anniversary of a sad day. If you look at my little tickers over there, you will notice a new similarity. What was simply going to be a date to remember a loss is now a date to celebrate two beautiful lives.

Owen was born exactly one year after we walked out of the OB clinic knowing our second pregnancy ended in a loss. I can still remember what that felt like. I was depressed, desperate, and had lost all hope. I felt that way for a while. Even when Owen took residence last June, I knew I would always feel heartache for my angel baby. My love was growing with each kick felt and each heartbeat heard, but the sadness was still there.

Fast forward to last month. When I realized that Owen was going to skip February, I knew it was all his idea. He was waiting to share the special month of March with his older sibling. Not only did the kid hold off until March, he overstayed his welcome five days to make his point. On March 10, 2010, I left the doctor's office with empty arms and an empty heart, but on March 10, 2011, I delivered a perfect bundle of joy.

Babies born after a miscarriage are known as Rainbow Babies. Here's a passage I found a while back that I think explains this term best:

"Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

Baby Owen has provided a light in my life that I will never be able to describe. I am so thankful that I was given another chance at motherhood and that I have two beautiful sons to love. I'm also thankful for the little baby I have waiting for me in heaven. Experiencing a loss is hard, but it has shown me how precious life can be. March 10 is no longer just a day to remember a loss, but a day to remember a beginning and an amazing connection.

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