Thursday, March 8, 2012

Where We've Been

This morning, my brain is filled with memory.

On this day one year ago, I was enormous. My body was full and three days overdue with a stubborn, long-waited-for baby. I was ready to meet him, but he wasn't quite ready to meet me. It would be two days before his eviction, but I remember. I wanted him so badly and the minutes dragged. I would not know if he was whole or well until I saw his face and the word "overdue" wasn't helping those anxieties.

On this day two years ago, I was grief-stricken. It would be two days before my doctor confirmed what I knew, but I knew. I knew my second pregnancy had ended in loss and I knew the coming days, weeks, and months (eventually years) would be filled with spurts of sadness. I knew I would get pregnant again and I knew my sweet Owen would come to me, but I had to deal with this first.

In 2010, I wanted March 10 to stay away. Hope was lost and I knew what my doctor would tell me that day. It was hard and it still is. In 2011, March 10 couldn't arrive soon enough. I would be a few days closer to holding my sweet newborn (or perhaps holding him already!) Now, in 2012, March 10 is coming and it's welcomed. My baby boy will be a year old Saturday and although it's hard to see him grow up, I am excited to celebrate this anniversary of life. I'm also excited to remember why he's here.

This is a rehash of what I've discussed time and time again, but it helps to remember where we've been and where we're going. You can't move forward without looking back. And don't worry, it's my baby's birthday week. There will be *lots* of looking back around here. :) Thanks for reading.

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