Friday, December 7, 2012

Part One: Positive

This was written on November 6, two days after my first look at those pink lines.

When Owen was born in March 2011, Jonathan and I had already decided we weren't finished.

I knew I'd get to see those two little pink lines once again, carry life inside of me, and one day cradle it in my arms. We even knew that shortly after his first birthday, we would start trying to grow our family even more.

The official attempt for baby number three (spoiler alert: the baby growing in my womb now) began in Florida in May of this year. Might as well start it off in style, right?

A few months passed, summer turned to fall, and we went trick-or-treating. For most women, a few months of negative tests is no big deal, but my track record is unfortunately awesome. For my three last pregnancies, it took two months at the most to conceive. After five failed months of trying, I was worried.

Cycle number six started in October and it felt right. My brother was married and the month sped by quickly. When it was time to test, I took a deep breath, opened my drawer, and selected from my test collection. I chose a digital that would give me a straight-forward answer.

"Not Pregnant."

Darn. I knew I was testing early, but by this time every single "not pregnant" hurt. A few negative tests later and I had moved on to the next cycle... until Sunday morning. Something about the way my body was feeling and acting, coupled with the message of miracles in Mass, urged me to head straight to the Walgreens for another pack of hope.


Two lines. Pregnant.

I burst into tears (at my office. where I peed.) and screamed the word "POSITIVE!" over and over until Jonathan made it to the bathroom. We hugged, we cried, and we couldn't believe it. Another July baby is joining the Bauer clan. Owen will assume his rightful place as the mischievous middle child and Nathan has surely become a better baby-handler in his old age.

As I write, most of you don't know about my sweet baby. I'm waiting to let all of the beans spill until my first OB visit on December 6. Which is one month from right now. Which translates to basically four years.

However, I wanted to take time to write now, when emotions are high and my body is electric with the start of new life. My fourth pregnancy has begun and will hopefully result in my third child. I could not be more thrilled.

A family of five.

Immediately jumping to mind are the following a) We have to buy a bigger car, b) we'll never again sit at a square restaurant table, and c) the kids will outnumber the parents.

And that's just the start. :) Though some of that sounds downright scary, I'm not scared. At all. I wanted this so badly and I cannot stop shouting my thanks to God for letting me have it. There is nothing in this world I love more than being a mother. To be given the chance to play that role to another sweet bundle makes me happier than I can describe.

I do have one thing to add to that list, though. There is going to be more love. More love in my heart and more love in my house. That's worth it all.

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