Monday, February 25, 2013

The Balance


There have been a lot of extremes in my life these past few days, weeks, and months. A lot of ecstatic, overwhelming, heart-filling happiness, paired with an unfortunate amount of worry, heartbreak, and tears.

This morning, I find myself trying to simply hang in the balance. Find a spot in the middle of everything that's going on where I'm at peace, knowing that these curve balls make up life.

This afternoon an old friend and I are going to say farewell to another good friend's daddy. A man who has finally lost a very, very long battle. A man who now has healthy, working legs. Who can walk, run, and fly. Who has left behind a family who understands he is in a better place, but has a long, hard road when it comes to actually saying goodbye.

This just weeks after attending a funeral for a baby whose life was not nearly as long, but just as significant to those who love him. I will once again give hugs, wipe tears, and pray hard for peace and relief. I will once again feel the hurt I see on their faces.

This also comes just a few days after my own father-in-law, who is currently battling an unknown illness, came out of surgery for a completely unrelated issue. If anyone knows about unfortunate curve balls, it's him and my awesome mother-in-law who stays busy taking care of him and their future. We stay in a constant state of prayer for his fast healing, pain relief, and answers. However, when it comes to this guy in particular, there is an approaching date we know will make him smile despite a rough recovery.

In just three little days, I get to see my baby.

I get to walk into the OB office with two happy, healthy children tagging behind me to check on my belly that is brimming with life and joy, wonder and mystery. I will know who my third child is.

I will speak his or her name and I will know that all is well. I will revel in the beauty of my new family.

This will come just a week after seeing the first pictures of Baby Emory, another friend's firstborn, pink and bright and wrapped in a blanket bearing her name. My heart is bursting thinking about my wonderful friend's face looking into her daughter's. Seeing the chubby little fingers wrapped around her daddy's for the first time (and likely all of eternity).

Then there's the buddy who's accompanying me to the funeral this afternoon. It will be one of her first days away from her three-week-old Baby Trulee. A little six-pound thing with a shock of brown hair and a gorgeous face. I will talk to her about being a new mother, and revel in the joy that lights her face while she talks about her newborn baby. A warm glow will stir within me as I listen to her words and imagine being in her shoes. I will feel her pride as my own starts to swell.

It's an amazing thing, isn't it? How we can feel what others feel? How we can hurt, how we can struggle, how we can beam with joy, how we can erupt into tears of happiness?

Experiencing these emotions through others has brought me to the point of seeing life as an unbalanced basket, always close to falling over. And we have no idea what will come tumbling out. Whether today will be a good one, or a difficult one. Whether today we celebrate new life or mourn death.

I think knowing that, knowing that we have no way of knowing, helps me take it day by day.

It helps me find the balance.

I hope everyone else who is struggling with such strong emotions finds it, too. Also, say a prayer. I promise it will help.

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