Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Two Letters {Part One}

{In honor of Owen's second birthday this weekend (sob!), I decided to slow down from busy party planning and take time to write letters to the two babies my family celebrates each March. Part two here.}

If I weren't already pregnant, my uterus would be screaming right about now.

Dear Owen,

My sweet baby son, my laughter, my joy, I see the change in you every day. I can see that my baby is leaving and a spunky little kid is joining the family. You're soon going to take your rightful place as middle child and protective big brother to Baby Nora, but for now, you're my Baby Owen.

Two years ago on this date, you were due to arrive. You were big, you were healthy, but you weren't ready to let go. You wanted to stay as close to your mama for as long as possible. So much that you had to be evacuated five days later. I still see this in you and I love it. I didn't mind the closeness we shared then (honest!) and I do not mind it now.

It's when you pile your beloved blanket into your arms and lock your big brown eyes with mine. You climb onto my lap and I wrap my arms around your entire body, trying to trap you in this age and even shrink you back down to nine pounds, three ounces.

It's when I walk into your nursery on Friday afternoon after hearing you sing into the monitor. I see your thick, ruffled hair and a sleepy smile spreading cheek to cheek. Your short arms reach for me and you look so small in the crib. You still need me and you have no idea how much I need you.

It's when you and I are on the couch at night, you watching my mouth and trying to repeat every word and keep your eyes open. As you struggle to stay awake, your head lands on my shoulder and a quiet "mama" slips through your lips.

It is in these moments (and millions more) that I know how much you mean to me. And a desperate, immeasurable kind of love washes over me.

Watching you grow into a precocious, funny little boy over the past two years has been a blast. I have no doubt that you are going to be as cool of a kid as Nathan has turned out to be.

Sure, you provide a ton of comic relief in this family and enough stories to fill a book, but you're more than a silly kid. You love as hard as you play and your compassion shines in all you do, whether through your concern for your brother's tears or a chipper "Morning!" to all you meet.

You will grow up fast. You will be two years old. You will soon ditch the diapers, climb into a toddler bed, and stand watchful guard over your baby sister. For now though, dear Owen, you are my baby.

For now I will take you up in my arms with your blanket in tow and I will hug you for as long as you will let me.

I pray that it's forever.

Love you to the moon, twice around, and back.

"Grow up now,
My darlin.
Please don't you grow up too fast.
And be sure, darlin,
To make all the good times last.

Because we made you,
My darlin,
With the love in each of our hearts.
We were a family, my darlin,
Right from the start."

- Wilco "My Darling"


Jamie said...

This was so touching!

Sarah said...

Boys and their mamas! Nothing like it. Loved this post.

Jessica Bauer said...

Thanks, y'all! :)