Monday, July 1, 2013

Bauer Boys: Nathan

My family is about to change in ways I'm likely not prepared for, so I am trying my best to soak up Life With the Bauer Boys. This post shares thoughts about the big one. Click HERE to read about the small one.

Something weird has happened to Nathan this summer.
No, I'm not referring to those faces. He is my kid, after all.

The harder I look at his round face, big brown eyes, and golden skin, the more I listen to him explain things to his brother, the closer I watch the gears turn in his fantastic mind, I see it. I see who he is and who he's becoming.

Last summer I took care of him. I held his hand as he dunked his blonde hair under the pool water and pushed up with bewildered eyes. This year, he floats effortlessly and relishes in the way the water carries his small body. He loves the crunchy grass beneath his feet and a Popsicle in his hand. He closes his eyes as his swing brings his feet just a little closer to the clouds.

He's a kid. An awesome, quick-witted, bright, independent kid.

But you know, there's just something extra about my firstborn that's hard to describe. He may be a kid who loves as hard as he plays, but there's something about his heart. Something just seems to click with this guy and he understands emotion more than he should. He takes care of me.

Let's take last Friday for example, the day my dog Susie left this life and went on to what I pray each day is an even better one. I lost it, y'all. My hormones did not mix well with this news and I absolutely fell apart. As I was lying on my bed, I felt a little hand wrap around my growing belly.

"It's okay, mom. I know she's going to be just fine in heaven."

I can't be the only one who sees this as a reversed scenario when faced with the loss of a family pet. However, that kid did not leave my side. Every time he saw the tears start rolling down my face, he climbed into the bed with me, hugged me close, and made me feel safe and comfortable.

And he's not even 6.

I have no worries at all when it comes to the changes that Baby Nora will bring for her biggest brother. He's done this once before and he did great. To be perfectly honest, I don't know if I could do it without him. He has taught me more about love and compassion in the last six years than I ever knew before he arrived.

I do not worry about sharing my love for him with yet another sibling.

There will always be a big piece of my heart reserved for Nathan. I will always play board games and read books with him, I will answer every question he throws at me and listen carefully to each word that leaves his lips. I will continue to hug him a million times a day and not leave his bedside until he finishes his lengthy description of how much he loves me. Then I will head to my room and thank God that this small person is part of my life.

I look forward to what's to come. We still have so much more to learn from each other.

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