Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Holiday Hugs

To be perfectly honest, Thanksgiving 2012 was a crappy one.

If you can recall {once I'd admitted it weeks later}, I was fully convinced that I had suffered a miscarriage right before I joined friends, family, and turkey to count our blessings and stuff our faces. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper and with good reason. Definitely not a diagnosed reason as I'd later learn, but a reason all the same. I went through the motions and avoided the subject of my possibly ending pregnancy. I cleaned my plate, played with my kids, and faked my smile. I am certain I failed miserably at hiding the fact that my heart felt completely empty.

It is so strange, as I cradle this 15-pound baby girl, to think that was only a year ago.

That particular story had a happy ending, but many do not. That moment led to the birth of my gorgeous girl the following summer, but I've had a holiday or two when my sadness was warranted. I'm writing this to say that this year, I know many of you will not have a picture-perfect Thanksgiving. Family frustrations, miscarriages, loss of loved ones, job issues, depression, anxiety, and the list goes on. For most, I would think, it's hard to fathom reaching the end of the road you're traveling.

You may not be cradling a baby next year, but just imagine how much could change for you in 365 days. Your heart could grow and your life could brighten. Doors could open, winds could change, and all sorts of other cliché analogies for happiness could come beaming down with the sun's rays. Life doesn't always work the way you want it to, but I sincerely hope you are able to look back on this year's festivities and feel as amazed and as grateful as I do right now.

Last year Nora was the size of a poppy seed. A little speck whose heartbeat could not be detected by ultrasound. That speck has come a long way since last year and although she won't be feasting on any turkey or mashed potatoes this year {looking at you, Nana}, I am so thankful to have her here, cooing and giggling. She is my sweet shining star and I cherish the sugar and spice she has poured into my life. We have an amazing connection and I can't get over the fact that I thought it had vanished just a year ago.

So today, if you're sitting at home anxious to make it through all of tomorrow's merriment and cheer because something is weighing heavy on your mind, I want to tell you it can get better. You will make it through this trying season and you will come out on the other side. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in a year, but you will. A round of holiday hugs to you all.

"You have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice,
and no one will take your joy from you."

-John 16:22

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Monica said...

Thanksgiving last year was a crappy one. I did in fact have my miscarriage at 11 weeks - the week before Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was to be the day we finally shared the news.

Fast forward to this year and I've made it almost to the halfway point of this pregnancy.

Hope you and your family have a happy Thanksgiving.

Jessica Bauer said...

I can't even begin to say how thrilled I am that you are going to have extra happy holidays this year, Monica! I am so SO pumped for you guys. And I'm just as pumped to know if Baby Foster is a he or a she. Just a few more weeks! :)

A Happy Thanksgiving to you three.