Monday, March 31, 2014

One Little Word III {Refill}

{Yes, this picture of the Bauer Boys was dug from the 2011 catacombs,
but if this image doesn't say calm, I don't know what does.}

According to my calendar, today is the last square of March.

For me, this means two things: 1) I have to watch my back around my children tomorrow and 2) I'm supposed to give an official report on my One Little Word progress. You can click here to see what I'm talking about, and you can click here to read about my failures as February drew to a close. It's hard to believe the third month of 2014 is already ending, and honestly it seems like the year is slipping away. Regardless, here I am with an update, mostly for me, but if you're tuning in to check, I'll be happy to share.

I'm not going to use the word "fail" this month at all. I'm proud to state I have found my calm. March was a month of chaos. An entire week of birthday fun capped off with over half a dozen children squealing throughout my house and yard. Spring Break has come and gone and gave me an extra person to entertain in the daytime. Longer days mean more time awake, brighter skies mean more time chasing boys, the start to spring means a sudden burst of energy after a long winter's rest.

All good things, y'all. I look forward to gardening, nights on the front porch, swimming pools, and starry nights; however, I don't think the incoming spring did the trick for me. It was the me time. It was the knowledge that making myself a priority is an acceptable thing to do. It was realizing that I don't have to sacrifice myself. I don't have to be the martyred Saint Mom. Sometimes, I can be first.

It's odd how hard it is to admit that, isn't it? When we hold those tiny babies in our arms for the first time, we vow to make their time on this planet as easy and fun and successful and amazing as possible. A few months in {weeks? days?} we realize that our own needs are getting cold and stale on the back burner. We run on empty as long as we can.

I'm not always good at this, but knowing is half the battle. I know my calm is just as important for my kids as it is for me. This is why I can't be empty. Yesterday I read 157 pages of a new book before dinnertime. I drank two cups of coffee as my baby girl napped and my boys were encouraged to play together in their room. Every so often, I'll steal a long bath after the kids are in bed. I'll flip through magazines and study new summer veggie varieties. I'll close my bedroom door, settle into my soft pillows, and dial my best friend's number with no intention of moving until every detail is shared.

This chapter of my life revolves around the tiny people I'm attempting to turn into contributing members of society, but I can't forget who I am in that process, and I can't run on an empty tank. Every once in a while, I have to take time to myself to refill, and I have done a good job of that over the past few weeks. I have found a bit of calm in the chaos, and that, my friends, is a feat. Here's hoping I can hang onto it.

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