Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Seriously!? Seriously.

{Optional Title: that one emoji with the line eyes and line mouth.}

My weekend started in the back of a law enforcement vehicle in Middle of Nowhere, Oklahoma.

You know if that is how today's story begins, you'd better buckle up. It's the law, after all.

Allow me to step back in time to paint the whole picture of our weekend debacle. Jonathan and I do whatever it takes to make room for breaks in the monotony and our parental pseudonyms. That's why we circled the weekend after Thanksgiving to spend some time in a luxurious cabin in eastern Oklahoma. It's just two hours from home, but completely hidden. The rental we chose this time was high-class, with a hot tub on the river, a state-of-the-art kitchen, and gorgeous decor that I pray magically transports to my living room.

Excitement brimmed as we made tracks west. Relaxation was so close we could taste it, but there was one more stop we needed to make. Our corner of the state does not believe in selling a fine wine to take on vacation, so we took the long way 'round to grab a couple of bottles. We made our purchase in Broken Bow and pressed forward. Shortly after that we arrived in an area of pure darkness between two towns I'd never heard of, and there was a situation.

It sounded like something exploded outside of the truck. But it also sounded like something exploded inside of the truck.

BOTH OF THESE THINGS WERE ACCURATE.

After realizing we were both intact, I quietly asked my husband what happened. A deer. A deer ran into us in the middle of nowhere. This was a much different scenario when that one deer ran me over in front of my house. Yes, friends, a buck took himself horns first into my husband's truck door as we were going 65 toward a dream weekend. It was my first experience with air bags. It turns out they produce a cloud that makes you think something's on fire. Neat.

When trying to locate help, we learned the counties in Oklahoma are enormous and the solo trooper was 60 miles away. Since we didn't need an ambulance, we simply waited for a wrecker. We weren't standing roadside looking dumbfounded too long before a game warden pulled up to check on us. Not only did he stay until the wrecker arrived, he offered a ride back into Broken Bow, where my parents came to pick us up. Hence the ride I alluded to at the beginning. I wasn't arrested, but I sure was seated beside a collection of seized materials.

Defeated and deflated, we were back home at 10:30, a smooth six hours after we left. It took all of sixty seconds for us to rally. We paid for this weekend. We deserved this weekend. We needed this weekend. We loaded up in our one vehicle that was not in a wrecker yard in Oklahoma, and pointed it back toward the state line. I'll be honest here, I'm not sure I blinked on that drive. I was on official high alert.

Nothing was going to stop us, and nothing did! We arrived after midnight and spent the next two days in total relaxation. Jonathan cooked gourmet meals, we talked for hours, we got our money's worth of the riverside hot tub, and we simply enjoyed each other. I promise you it was worth the trouble.

Sunday afternoon I was sad to close the door on luxury as we carried our bags down the front steps. We reloaded for the last time and climbed into our one working vehicle... and nothing happened when the key turned. Not a sputter, not a rumble, not even an old college try.

My battery was dead. Seriously.

We called the rental office, which was closed, and the call forwarded to the owner. Thankfully he had friends who lived close and they came and jumped it. We bought a new battery on the way home and arrived safe and sound. /End Story

The reason I've spun this tale of weekend woes is two-fold: you may be bored this morning and needed a little something to hold your attention, and there are approximately four lessons to be learned.

1) Thank God for the kindness of strangers.
2) Air bags smell weird.
3) Oklahoma deer are just as stupid as Arkansas deer.
4) I will make it through anything to relax.

Despite my moaning and groaning in this series of unfortunate events, I spent many post-wreck moments counting my blessings that we were safe, unharmed, and still able to get away. However, I once again hope your weekend was a little less eventful than ours.

Happy Tuesday, y'all!

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